Happy Weekend everyone! I’m having to write this post sooo quickly because BT are going to cut off my internet in 12 minutes (long story but basically BT sucks in my opinion #dontsue) so please excuse any typos or weird formatting issues. I’ll fix it tomorrow, assuming my internet works then. It’s probably good timing anyway as, despite the earlier sunshine, I’m in a really weird funk today.
I think it’s a mixture of things like blogging frustrations, work pressures, recent politics and the frustration that come from that. I’ve realised that I suffer with quite bad anxiety – there goes that word again. I feel like a lot of people’s immediate reaction to hearing someone claim to have anxiety is an eyeroll – myself included at times. I sometimes stop to think though that maybe it isn’t that we live in a generation of self-diagnosing hypochondriacs. May we are just more aware of our own mental health since we’re finally in a time when people are more willing to have honest, open conversations about it. Which is why I’m waffling on now. I thought about fighting my feelings and writing something nice and fluffy about how beautiful this lace top is but apparently I’m just using this post as my daily diary entry and I’m okay with that. A blog is, after all, supposed to be personal. Otherwise it’s just another online magazine.
So yes, the anxiety. It stretches from the usual societal pressures – I say ‘usual’ only to mean common rather than acceptable because non of us should be putting pressure on ourselves – of career progression, financial security, wanting a good social life etc., to fearing I am going to die multiple times a day. Like, in any given situation I will, often just fleetingly, imagine how I might reach some untimely death. In the shower I imagine the floor will cave in and I will plummet through the building to my death. The same on my balcony during my morning coffee. When crossing the road I suspect a disgruntled driver will give in to the urge to run me over, despite me always waiting for the green man – much to the annoyance of my ever-impatient boyfriend. Stabbed, strangled, cancer… you get the gist.
Today I’ve been somewhere in between. After waking up to sunshine and sitting outside feeling like I could walk on water, my mood has slowly declined. I didn’t get this blog post up yesterday despite taking my computer with me on a night out because I couldn’t get the editing done in time on the tube. It was probably my fault, I didn’t get up early enough to get a head start. I set my alarm for 5am but my body betrayed me and I rose at 7am instead – my fault? I argued with some friends yesterday about attitudes towards election results. No my fault (in my humble opinion) but still, not great. I had planned to get my dad a personalised birthday/Father’s Day gift but I’ve left it too late like I do every year and it won’t arrive in time. My fault. I haven’t posted on Instagram in a few days – my fault. My fault, my fault, my fault.
I don’t really know what I was expecting to come from writing all that down but as I said I felt like being honest and writing what I was thinking today. Maybe it will make somebody else feel better about feeling shite. Anyway, here’s a pretty outfit post for you. I have two minutes until I promised the BT lady I would shut down my internet so I’m off to get a chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle and read Harry Potter and The Cursed Child, something I never seem to find time to do.
|Lace Top: Topshop similar here and here | Skirt: Similar here | Shoes: Primark similar here | Bag: Similar here|
Thank you for reading! If you like my posts why not follow me on Bloglovin’ and social media by using the links below!
x Jade Mercedes Fraser x